What to do when you feel like a failure


feeling like a failure
A few years ago, I gave up an amazing career opportunity
to follow my boyfriend to another state.


The relationship became a disaster.


I was miserable.


I hated my new job.


I felt like such a failure


I’ve had similar ‘failures’ more than a few times.


There is one thing I’ve noticed about all of these ‘failures’…

there’s something about them that, once I’ve gone through
the tears,
the anger
and the numbness
…  something opens up.
I start thinking about new things, in a new way.
I discover new possibilities, new people, a new way of seeing the world.
If you’re going through something right now..
If it feels like your life isn’t going ‘as planned’…

understand that there’s momentum building underneath the surface.

You have been in an ‘old groove’ of doing things a certain way – being with certain people.
And because you’re an evolving, expanding being,
there’s a bigger part of you trying to get to a ‘new groove’.


It takes energy to move yourself into a ‘new groove’.

The only way to get this energy is to slowly build it over time
– or sometimes, when something ‘bad’ happens
(a break-up, a rejection, an argument), this creates a sharp moment of contrast
of what you want and don’t want
– and that contrast can actually spark so much extra energy
(in the form of ‘emotions’ – literally, ‘energy in motion’)…



all of those feelings are adding fuel to your being.

And this is what you need to push yourself up from the deeper, ‘old groove’
and launch you to the new one.


(in the brain, we see it as ‘old neural networks’ that need something totally new
to happen in your mind in order to spark growth of ‘new networks’).


 what to do when you feel like a failure


Pain and frustration are key ingredients that make those new networks happen.

So instead of seeing a setback or failure,
see a perfectly ordered disruption, designed to push you down
so that the energy you gain as you get back up launches you into a new ‘groove’ of reality.


Do you have an example of a time where something seemed like a failure, but something new and better ended up happening instead?


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2 thoughts on “What to do when you feel like a failure

  • I LOVE this.. thank you, Kim! Yes, that’s happened to me before… feeling dismissed and ‘boxed in’ by higher-ups at work. And even though the road afterwards wasn’t easy, it feels more rewarding – more like I’m ‘aligned’ with my most authentic gifts and passions. Thank you for sharing this.

  • When I wasn’t hired right away for a job that I had pursued, I felt all my efforts to secure this position were dismissed and unappreciated, even though I had positive feedback from the students I taught. I decided to follow my heart and pursue another avenue. I was eventually offered the job I had been seeking – and I turned it down! The new path I had forged for myself after that rejection has brought me to meet the most interesting people I would never have met before and has challenged me to go down completely “out of my box” roads. I still feel some frustration even with this path, but that is what keeps me forging ahead. Thank you for the encouraging article.

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